THE GLOBE’S MOST VALUABLE SOURCE IS DATA!well hey hey hey everybody i am marshaun olaniyan your favorite shift relationship strategist and i help christian women that are married on long-term relationships to stop feeling disconnected and unloved and shift them to feeling heard understood and appreciated now we have something special for you today we are talking to a tantra sextologist today and i am super super excited to have this conversation i know that it’s going to be juicy but i also know that it’s going to help the couples out there that need the help because sex is a topic that most people do not talk about even though we know that we want it we know that we need it right we fail to have the conversation so both parties can absolutely enjoy the experience most of the time we’re just going along with the flow not really taking the time to stop have the conversations about what i like what i don’t like what you like what you don’t like right and so i wanted to bring our expert here today miss sequoia whitfield our tantra sexologist so she can come here and answer some of the questions that you may have had so go ahead sit down with your popcorn bring your partner all right cause we about to get into the juice so you both can have some fun literally some fun within the bedroom so now let me just do the introduction of sequin then we’re gonna bring her on all right so sequita’s gift is the ability to help you connect with that place within you where no harm has ever come your infinite self sequita practices a trauma informed holistic healing modality that has lineage based tibetan elemental meditation healing practices along with somatic western and eastern influences sequita has great success with those individuals who want to transform heal and grow into the spiritual and full sexual being that we are meant to be come on home to yourself as seen on sex is medicine tv with debbie ward erickson and the upcoming show gourmet sex online retreat which starts june 2021 sequita whitfield ba is a certified authentic tantra practitioner and tantra mastery instructor which she received this at the institute of authentic tantra education she’s also okay she’s still going okay she’s also a certified sexologist as well as a certified life coach sequita has retired from a career in law enforcement also has a background in substance abuse counseling we still go on community theater as well as dance and stand-up comedy sequita is based in san diego california and she is available and open to help coach you locally as well as virtually so go ahead and put your hands together i know we can’t put your hands together for miss sequita whitfield hello sequoia how are you how are you hello hello hello marshaun i’m wonderful i’m better than good thank you for having me thank you for agreeing to come on to marshaun o and help spreading the your message with marshaun o community we are super super excited to have you here and i am totally ready to jump into it are you ready oh absolutely let’s go okay so we’re gonna jump right into the juicy right so we talked about sex right and so what is the difference between regular sex and tantric sex oh great question uh you know the regular sex is typically um an afterthought for one it’s after the day is done you know both parties are tired you just you’re like okay you want to do it you want to do it okay you know um you know sometimes it’s just you’ve got a few minutes go for it especially if you have families or you know you’re really really busy and so like i said it’s more of an afterthought and it’s more of yes there may be um gratification but not always fulfillment yeah yeah yeah and so that’s a whole other topic you know that’s you know and and tantric sex is more it’s slower um meaning like it’s more intentional it’s more deliberate there’s usually a beginning a middle and an end there’s more of a sacred sexuality component to it meaning um when i teach couples it’s to teach them to make that connection on purpose you know there’s been a lot of controversy about like um putting a date on the calendar setting a date for you know people send the team seem to think that that’s like cold or impersonal when in actuality if you go into it with a more sacred sexuality aspect of it it’s impossible on purpose it’s intentional you make a date with each other you are saying to your partner we are doing this together it is a team sport you know it’s like we we want this and i like can i interject really quickly absolutely i love that because that is absolutely what i teach my community about scheduling i know that it’s not a sexy word but it is about you being intentional it’s about you both showing up it’s about you both um thinking about and even creating that anticipatory moment that’s going to come right so you both can show up for one another as well as for this experience so i wanted to say that resonates with the community so well so thank you for mentioning that i’m so happy to hear that because um you can if when you’re talking to your your people when you’re coaching i offer that you at you you you ask them to call it a sacred date um like that secret date you know rather than uh we’re gonna have sex on tuesday first right right right that doesn’t sound so sick and what happened what happens in that is that the anticipation of meeting with your mate is actually the beginning of the date that’s the anticipation that you know on thursday we have two hours blocked out for each other and this is you and me baby and the juices start flowing then meaning she starts to get ready then you know because it doesn’t take much for men and then and hear me now takes a little bit longer right and so we start with the mental seduction yes that’s what’s important so in that if anything that’s the main difference between regular sex and tantric sex is that regular sex like i said before it’s just okay we’ve got time let’s go for it you ready you ready you know that kind of thing but with the tantric date you are specifically you’re doing it on purpose the sexy text can’t wait to meet up with you phone calls you know she’s like getting turned on and he’s also recognizing that he’s part of it and not just for like a better word a tool i love it i love it okay well what about um because you mentioned making a sacred appointment but what about this making the space um what about the space absolutely it’s it’s what i call we call sacred space and so you’ve got your date set you’ve got your you know the whole the time blocked out you’ve got a sitter or whatever you need to do you’ve got to book the hotel room whatever you need to do to create that sacred space starts there but what that also means is you want to use the five elements your five senses okay and you can create this space together um for like the first time you actually do this sacred date and then going forward one of you can choose who’s gonna set up the space tonight you know and he can set it one night and she can set up the next but what that looks like is your five senses you know you’ve got your fire so that’s going to be a candle or you know something pretty to look at and associate with the color red maybe a red candle or red um light bulb you know okay like that fire which is in your sex chakra the fire element and then you want to engage your your your earth element which is taste so you want to maybe create some more herbs or chocolate or fruit or something that both of you agree on yeah this is what we want to have in our space okay okay and along with that also and so then you want to have water element so that could be tea coffee wine juice whatever it is that is liquid that signifies okay we brought in the water element and then the space element is your um i always forget that one sound so you want to have music and that music can be whatever playlist you choose it could be you know that luther mcgrandros barry white you know music or it can be head banging music whatever you know whatever works for you huh whatever the two of you agree on and it could always change up during that those no no that’s those two hours or so of time um and then lastly you want to you know invite smell the air element so you might have aromatherapy along with that candle or incense or whatever smells good to you and your partner and if and if either one of you are like sensitive to smell then have a fan or some air movement in the room okay now why why um why must we have all five elements so say for instance if one is missing then what nothing’s off center nothing gets off you know okay but when you engage all five senses then your whole body mind spirit and sex is connected because all five of those senses are can correlate with five chakras that’s oh i think okay yeah okay okay yeah that’s the tantric part is that you’re engaging all in the major five um chakras so water being part of your head is in your head air being your throat chakra so you’re saying i love yous and talking and you know expressing your appreciation for each other and that’s a workshop that i offer and then there’s the heart chakra which is your space keeping part open to each other does that make sense yes oh yeah yeah yeah the earth chakra is you know right behind your navel and that’s where you’re you’re grounded and you’re nourishing each other and you’re putting setting aside each other’s pride and you know just kind of being present and then your fire chakra which is right behind your pubic bone and your sex chakra and that’s where all the you know the goody stuff starts and happens we want to join we want to become unionized in that space so that’s why we say all five senses oh i love i really love that and i don’t think i remember all of the the the senses in this way so i’m glad that you broke that down and i’m sure my audience is able to take away from from the five senses because again i didn’t even think about it so i’m sure somebody else out there is wondering that so thank you for taking us a little bit deeper so now is there something else that makes i’m sorry think of it this way you’ve got five senses you have your eyes ears taste touch smell those your five senses yeah okay all right yeah that makes sense makes total sense perfect okay so now what about the blocking okay so she ready y’all she’s ready i better get ready number one block stick list first of all what is a block to bliss you everyone is born in a blissful state everybody is born completely whole perfect and complete it’s just that as we grow older and all the other observations meaning all the other blocks come in parental uh influences educational influences church influences you know peer pressure all these things block our bliss and sex being one of the most blissful experiences we can have gets blocked off and i mentioned several earlier you know um work children family those people truly truly yes those get in the way of experiencing pure like connection with each other we’re talking about sex between uh you know you specifically said christian couples yes okay and so um one of the blocks is lack of education meaning um people are fearful to talk about sex because they don’t really quite understand it they really don’t under you know and i’m gonna both men and women don’t always understand the uh anatomy of women men’s anatomy because it’s external it’s pretty self-explanatory right can i be explicit please go ahead so um so men have a penis and they have testicles and in in ontra we call them the lingam and their testicles jewels so it softens the language okay and it’s sexier whereas women’s sexual genitalia is internal and the only thing external is the clitoris or and the and the vulva the the labia the minor majora labia and uh and the beginning of the introitis which is the opening of the vagina um in tantric speech we call the vulva the yoni okay which is the hindu word for it for for vulva the vulva is actually the outside of the woman’s um genitalia what we used to say people will say oh that’s your vajayjay that’s your coochie so uncomfortable calling it what it is you know and it’s not the vagina the vagina’s internal it’s actually the smell okay the clitoris we call a bliss curl so it’s you know it’s yeah see that’s sexy it up you know it just softens it up you know and the actual intro is the actual vagina is the sacred gate yeah love it love it yes and so the lingam is your you know your your jade uh gate which is you know it goes into the sacred space it’s a light of you know the wand of light you know so it’s just you know when you can incorporate those sexier words then it’s easier to become familiar with the body okay okay that’s the lack of education part because if a young a woman can say could you touch my bliss pearl this way or that way please he’s more apt to and i guarantee you more i’d say oh heck yeah yeah yeah okay you’re right with the language you’re right because it makes it sexier yeah yeah yeah for sure often the language you know anus is the rosebud okay rosebud okay yeah you know so so yeah we have tantric speech um lack of awareness now this is a big one lack of awareness is um along with the educational process arousal process for women men their arousal process is pretty evident as they get turned on as the blood flows to the genitalia the lingam gets erect gets hard you know there’s physical signs of arousal right women tend to be again more covert so if you unless you become familiar and you want to and with the process of you know looking at the yoni you’ll notice and this is the thing i offer to couples take during this date like especially the first date we introduce each other to each other’s yoni and lingam even though i don’t care how long you’ve been married i don’t care how long you’ve been together you know reintroduce yourself because after like i said it becomes an afterthought you become familiar you know reintroduced it have him take the time to really look and this is uncomfortable at first especially good christian girls who are talking they’re not allowed to really you know have to enjoy it it’s dirty joy yeah good girls don’t bad girls do and that’s a big one especially around the arousal process so introduce each other to each other’s you know um yoni and lingam and that those sacred spaces because if he can notice like when she’s getting aroused she becomes her labias become more plump more fuller even though you know she becomes a little more wet um the clitoris the the bliss pearl will become more prominent okay um things like that there’s more but okay okay yeah that’s the introduction really you know and and it’s funny to have them like not like looking like you know but just we’re talking about like from a little distance right talking about just really taking it in just taking it in you know if she’s propped up on the bed and they’re both looking and exploring you know and it doesn’t have to be for a long time but just you know just that initial reintroduction you know and then vice versa she may just want to take a look at his lingam really look you know and just appreciate him men are so underappreciated sexually they’re earlier i said they’re they’re most often looked as a tool you know give it to me do this to me you know and so he’s a um robot came to mind but that’s not the word i mean it’s like he’s he’s supposed to perform an action yeah yeah do it do it let’s do it let’s get to it yeah yeah and so when she takes the time to really and in my practice i teach couples how to do what’s called um consensual uh awareness practice where the couples will put hands on each other and the couples and i will walk them through and there it can be clothed or unclothed it’s their option but i will walk them through this process i’m talking about where they actually look at each other oh i see perfect yeah and they look at each other and she can take the time to do even a linga massage and he can actually do a yoni massage so these are all centric practices that anyway they can be taught a lack of sensation a lot of times women are uh and i say women men also experience especially if there’s trauma especially if there’s some kind of abuse in the history and it could be physical sexual emotional doesn’t matter settles in the in the in the pelvic area okay um so most times women are um what we call numb and then they experience pain then they experience irritation and then they’ve experienced pleasure so they may be numb you can you know they say i don’t feel that i teach couples how to re-engage with pleasure love it love it okay well i i’m i’m loving all of this so let’s move on i’m super happy that you introduced and talked about the differences but i want to move on to something a little more juicy okay so what is the question that should be asked what isn’t being asked oh my gosh all right so the most okay that question is how important to love making is semen retention how important to love making is semen retention okay okay go ahead go ahead okay really quickly what is semen retention it is it is retaining your semen while still maintaining your erection i’m talking to men okay okay um most in most penetrative sex between them you know husband and wife last anywhere between two minutes and seven wow that’s really short it is very short but it’s been proven like yeah it’s been proven that the actual penetrative part now there may be foreplay there may be like i said there may be some you know foreplay but the actual from penetrating penetration to ejaculatory um orgasm is two to seven minutes a lot of men just do not last longer than that if they do then they’re doing what’s called edging which means they’re actually um stopping themselves from ejaculating they’re at the edge and they like no no no no no no no stop moving stop moving stop moving hold up exactly they were like they’re about to come on i want to come yeah and so so what that what’s happening is that they’re actually tensing their body and when they do that yes it does um halt or slow down the ejaculation process but it also removes them from their heart connection with their partner and you just said it stop don’t move don’t move and he’s like i’m not trying not to come and he’s tensing up and he’s pulled away and and in that moment when he pulls away heart wise because he’s trying to concentrate the couple they’ve lost their their blissful connection ah so he really should just let it go and they stay connected that’s where the seemingly retention comes in now there’s a proper way to and i really can’t go into right now to learn how to retain yourself which means to separate ejaculation from orgasm to separate them okay okay and think men think that um if they don’t ejaculate they that they have not orgasmed and that’s not true men and women can experience various almost 16 types of orgasms and they’re not all pelvic related they’re not genitally related but when a man becomes proficient at separating his orgasm from ejaculation his orgasm and there’s videos i can share with you proof talking to men who’ve learned this process of the um that they their orgasms are much stronger much more full-bodied more um intense than just the ejaculation type orgasm and and my colleagues who have experiences who practice this practice and my clients say that the longer they go the average time that they should ejaculate is anywhere between seven and ten days so a lot of semen retention have learned how not to ejaculate um for up to 10 days that when they do ejaculate it’s on purpose it’s mindful it’s with intent and their partner is out i know i know wow this is why they want to come see me you know and couples and and and and their partner their wife helps them learn this process men practice it on their own but it’s also helpful if the wife is engaged in helping them learn this process because that’s perfect you know a lot of men balk at first they’re like what do you mean you know what about my blue balls and what happens is that because i teach this process in such a way that when you do not ejaculate there’s also a component to that that they learn how to reabsorb their stamen into the body because that’s protein and it goes back into the body and and then there’s another exercise we do so that it exercises the jewels so that they don’t hurt because listen listen you have brought the thunda today you have really brought some information you opened my eyes i’m sure you open up the eyes of our fellow community and so thank you so much for taking a short amount of time okay can i just offer one more important thing offer one more one more important thing please do please do yes i mentioned it earlier about communication please and thank you go a long way during the act or just period during the act during the union during sexual union with each other rather than saying don’t touch me don’t do it that way i like what you’re doing but could you do this please he or she will respond so much better and when they do that acknowledge them with a thank you and say it again say it again what should they do what should they say i like what you’re doing but if you could you do this a little slower could you move it to the right or could you you know could we stop for a second please so more direction but very um without demands don’t move that way that’s the difference more direction without demands softer sweeter but still getting your needs met abs still appreciating and gratitude for what he’s already doing and giving both of them she too because he can ask for what he wants when he’s when she’s giving him oral sex you know try could you go a little slower could you hold the base a little firmer could you not you know go so deep because a lot of men don’t like deep throat but men are not conditioned to ask for what they want they’re just so happy he’s giving him oral they’re like i’m gonna say nothing you know just just just don’t use the teeth you know that hurts i’m not gonna say nothing because you know true that’s true so please and thank you go a long way i love it okay well mr quito whitfield how how can they get in contact with you what are you working on and do you have anything to offer them for free i know i kind of ran it to all to you but yes what are you working on how can they get in contact with you especially couples and or one partner just to get started with you because you mentioned virtually as well as locally so yes give us the t oh my goodness thank you first of all i offer a uh 30 minute free consultation so they can go to my website at simply at simplyhyphentantra.com and click on you know make an appointment now book a discovery session perfect um they can reach me at sequita simply hyphen tantra.com gmail you know that’s my email um i’m on facebook simply tantra facebook okay yeah and any projects or any um i don’t have i have i’m offering a workshop for couples um connect um wait wait can um it was something going over your mic so we couldn’t hear you so i’m offering a um i would like to offer an in-person couples workshop and i as soon as we can safely you know and social distance lee do that and it’ll be uh in the fall and you can also find me as a tantra mastery instructor at the institute of authentic hunter wow so ladies and gentlemen especially if you’re watching this with your spouse definitely reach out to mr quita she will help you reach your bliss right and get rid of those blockages and teach you all of the practices so you can have a closer bond a better sex life and a more intentional sex life and uh one thing that i want to wrap up to say is that most people think that tantra is um really really uh what’s the word i’m looking for um mainly like the bdsm right what what they think most of uh from what i’ve heard you know they think that it’s always involving the bdsm bdsm um stuff so i know that it’s not like that you’ve heard it here firsthand usually she didn’t even bring it up yes we we we ran out of time so we don’t have time to talk about it but you see she didn’t even bring it up right so just just keep your mind open right be open to the conversations be open to the conversations not only with the professional but also with your spouse and so if you need more help in this area right and just to have the conversations to feel more comfortable right so you both are relaxing so you both can get the joy right and the bliss from your sexual experiences definitely reach out to miss sequita whitfield so thank you so much for coming today i really appreciate it um okay family marshaun olaniyan here i cannot wait to bring my next expert to you and so uh we will be doing that in the in the in the near future so definitely go ahead reach out if you need some information from me just to talk about relationships in general reach out to sequita if you want to talk about um your sexual relationship right so definitely thank you so much for coming today thank you so much for tuning in and i will see you all next time alright bye now
Transformation! 